zooey

so I've been thinking about it
and you need not worry
about me meeting Zooey
at the press junket tomorrow

yes, she's hot and smart
and she can sing
but you know I wouldn't change you
for all the Zooeys in the world

now, for those several hundred megabytes
worth of her pictures you found in my pc
first off, you shouldn't be spying on me
it's personal stuff
period

it's lame you become jealous of a compressed jpeg image
when it all boils down to endless strings of zeroes and ones
the same goes to the porn I have carried in the past
and had to delete upon your -now I realize absurd- request

I understand it is my right to look at whatever I feel fit

but back to Zooey, I didn't hide the fact she was costarring
in Yes Man; I just didn't know
and The Happening, you know how much I hate Shyamalan movies
but you insisted we should see that one

so darling
you need not worry
because we both well know
I don't stand a chance
of even the slightest slant
to this, our shared uneventful
existence


dammit


val ordoñez (Ft. Lauderdale, FL, 1982)

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julia roberts

so I had a dream last night
I don't have any idea where it came from
but it was so clear and crisp
so vivid
it was a little bit disturbing
it still makes me uneasy

it goes like this
at the very beginning I am with my girlfriend and her family
at some lame time share resort
everything looks old
run down
but I'm stuck there
with her parents and all
we are at the side of the pool
I am kinda bored
not really understanding how i got talked into that

I mean, I love my girlfriend
but I don't need to go on vacation with her whole family
to prove that
as it turns out, I learnt
loving is about proving things all the time
a constant show and tell
a very demanding exercise in patience and self control
but I digress

so we are now at the dining room
which actually is this couple of long tables under a thatch roof
as I said, everything is sort of poor looking but it's ok
I stand up and walk to the salad bar
not because I like salad but because
I need a break from my in-laws
and then I see her

it's Julia Roberts

you know how in dreams you take these things as natural things
Julia Roberts is there
and she just is
no whoa or anything
she is there

I walk past her
and I can see she's with some guy
like his boyfriend or something
she notices me though
and I notice her of course
because she's gorgeous beautiful
all stretched over a deck chair
sunbathing
still wet from a recent splash

and now it gets tricky and blurry
I can't remember exactly how it was
but I notice she's not enjoying herself
the guy is being a dick with her
am I still holding my plate for the salad?
I don't know
but all of a sudden I am holding her in my arms
man, she's so pretty it hurts
we're laying there, I am hugging her
I just can't help to utter what I always tell my girlfriend
"it's such a pleasure being with you. how did I get so lucky?"
and she goes: "it's such a pleasure being with you. I am the lucky one"
and we kiss

I spare you some details here
but right then something I could only define
as a primal rush of guilt
makes me stop and stand up

wait, I am with my girlfriend here
and her family
I can't do this
there's some more stuff happening around
and it is all so vivid and real
and she's so beautiful
but I go back to the table
with my salad plate

my girlfriend's there
I know she saw me kissing with Julia Roberts
but she doesn't say a thing and acts cool
as if nothing had happened
out of some sort of weird dignity
I know she knows
I can tell in the way she looks at me
it's all in her eyes
and I feel guilty as hell

then it all derives into something else
I find myself being pestered by my own family
but somewhere else
and then I woke up

jesus h christ

it was fuckin' Julia Roberts

and she looked damn hot in that pink bathing suit


val ordoñez (Ft. Lauderdale, FL, 1982)

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batman

ok, so it goes like this
let's say you haven't had sex with your girlfriend
for at least a month
forget about the reasons
sometimes you need to forget to stay alive

and then, an accident
something you had not planned on
but you cheat on her
with a prostitute
a young beautiful prostitute
petite, brunette
the type of girl you really get crazy about
you spot her, go upstairs and do her

it turns out she's smart
and it's her first week there
you fall for her
you really really fall in love
you go back
you love your girlfriend
but you keep going back
paying for it
and you pay
I'm not talking 'bout money now
you just pay
with your life

take batman, for instance
nothing like this would have ever happened to him
first, because he is crazy
he's had these beautiful chicks
who even make passes at him
gorgeous women
kim basinger
michelle pfeiffer
nicole kidman
katie holmes
ok, not katie holmes, but anyway
he's a millionaire
and he's disturbed
like, they fuckin' killed his parents when he was a kid
and he can't do woman

so, nothing like this would have ever happened to batman

gee, batman

how I hate that guy


val ordoñez (Ft. Lauderdale, FL, 1982)

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